Daydream Believers

Disclaimer:  These picks are purely for the sake of entertainment. No wagers are being made on my behalf nor are they being taken by me.  If you're betting on games, you're an idiot.  If you're using my picks to bet on games, at least you're doing it right.  Last week would have been your most profitable week, so you might as well stop while you're ahead.

NFL Week 2 Picks

Chicago @ Dallas (-8)

Since his infamous clothesline of Brian Orakpo last Sunday night, Alex Barron has sent me and every other Cowboys fan into a whirlwind of emotions.  I've even gone so far as to look up every single disastrous play the Cowboys have made in my 30-year existence.  In no particular order:

Leon Lett's Superbowl gaffe
Leon Lett's Thanksgiving blunder
Romo's fumbled snap
Cheerleaders (I love the feature on youtube where random videos are generated on the side bar using some of your keywords!)

As much as I would like to pick the Cowboys at home, after a loss, and because I'll need antidepressants if I don't...they still have Alex Barron AND he's going up against Julius Peppers.  Pick:  Cowboys win but don't cover the spread 20-17 on a special teams play in the 4th quarter.

Arizona @ Atlanta (-7)

At any other point in the season, the Falcons would have the better record here.  For that reason alone I've gotta go with the dirty-birds.  Pick:  Falcons cruise to a 31-16 win over the out gunned Cardinals don't call me Cardinal.  (Note:  I wonder if the Cardinals could actually beat the Stanford Cardinal this season?  Stanford scored touchdowns on it's first eight possessions yesterday against Wake Forest.)

Baltimore @ Cincinnati (+3)

Can you say Monday night hangover?  Baltimore grinded out a tough road victory last Monday against the Jets, but this road game within their division should be too much to handle on 5 days of rest.  Pick:  Cincy jumps ahead early on the strength of their passing attack and holds off a late Ravens comeback for a 24-20 victory. (Note:  Did you know Mel Kiper Jr. is from Baltimore?  Can we name Baltimore the official home of the skunk mullet?  Just a thought.)

Kansas City @ Cleveland (-3)

Don't even second guess that spread.  I've looked on bodog.com, espn.com, cnnsi.com, and every other site that invades your computer with online slot machine pop-up windows.  It's legit.  Nothing says respect like beating your division's defending champs and turning into 3-point dogs in Cleveland the following week.  Either the Chiefs got really lucky last week or the Browns have vastly improved every part of their game.  I'm going with option A.  Pick:  Kansas City puts the hurt on a Browns team that still doesn't know how to get over the  Earnest Byner fumble from the 1987 AFC Championship game, 28-10.

Philadelphia @ Detroit (-7)

A criminal going to a crime riddled city to do his job....Mike Vick should be right at home in Detroit.  Pick:  Philly buys Andy Reid some more time by gutting the Lions 38-7.

Buffalo @ Green Bay (-14)

Our first double digit spread of the season, courtesy of the Buffalo Bills!  Other than the fact that NFL teams don't typically score in the triple digits, I can't find one reason why that line isn't Green Bay (-100).  Wait, I know...Brett Favre.  Pick:  Green Bay picks up another impressive win over a pathetic wannabe CFL squad, 34-9.

Pittsburgh @ Tennessee (-6)

Country music and wish-bone!  That's what Nashville does! Wouldn't it be great to see Vince Young and Chris Johnson line up in the old wish-bone offense?  Oh the collisions that would made near the sidelines!  I've got goosebumps.  The reality is that both teams play great defense, so you pick the team with the best player on offense and take a chance that they make some plays.  Pick:  Tennessee wins on a late fieldgoal, 13-10.

Miami @ Minnesota (-6)

Here's the play call in the Viking huddle:

Favre:  Ok guys I've been cleared to play today after having 37 cortisone injections and you know they make my vision a little blurry.  So, I can't read from my wrist band and I'm definitely not looking over Childress, he's just creepy.  AP just line up behind me and block until I can figure out their defense.  Harvin go deep, don't try to sit in the zone coverage, and I'll try not get your cappa detated from the rest of your body.  Ready break!

Here's how it should be:

Peterson:  Hey Brett did you collaborate with Keyshawn Johnson for your next book Just Let Me Throw the Damn Ball?  Well, I collaborated with Bo Jackson on my running back skills...so, I'm just sayin.

Pick:  Vikings get back on track with a 27-17 win.

Tampa Bay @ Carolina (-4)

Yawn.  Pick:  Tie 0-0.  Just kidding.  Panthers reel off a couple of late scores for a 24-17 win.

Seattle @ Denver (-4)

Kyle Orton and a slew of no-name receivers = winning while not covering the spread.  Pick:  Denver picks up a late field goal to rain on Pete Carroll's parade, 19-17.

St. Louis @ Oakland (-4)

Close call last week for Sam Bradford and company.  I'm convinced this kid will be a good quarterback for the next ten years.  The only sad thing is that Steven Jackson is in the twilight of his career and is likely to leave at the end of his current contract.  Maybe they could talk Marshall Faulk out of retirement.  Pick:  Oakland gets all the bounces in a rough start for Bradford, 27-13.

New England @ NY Jets (+3)

Rex Ryan better get his offense in order or else the Super Bowl dream becomes a wet-dream over night.  Randy Moss is on a mission to get a new contract and he might make it personal against Darrelle Revis (who did get a new contract).  Pick:  New England endures a sloppy first half and pulls away with a 24-17 victory.

Jacksonville @ San Diego (-7)

The statistics point to a San Diego blowout here.  Historically, teams that travel from one coast to another have a hard time adjusting to the time difference.  More so for West coast teams traveling east due to the early kickoff times.  I'm still confused as to why a Super Bowl contending team would let their Pro-Bowl Left Tackle and Wide Receiver hold out.  How do you not pay those guys?  If I'm Phillip Rivers here's what I say, "I'm holding out, not for a new contract, but until you guys pony up some cash for my only playmaker and my best bodyguard."  Pick:  San Diego finds a way to win 23-20.

Houston @ Washington (+3)

Here's your typical hangover game.  Let's see, who do we go with for the most hung over after beating their rivals at home in stunning fashion?  Every bit of me wants to pick the Texans, but I've grown to learn that the NFL is all about experience in games like this.  Pick:  Washington finds another way to deflate the state of Texas, 27-20.

NY Giants @ Indianapolis (-5)

Manning vs. Manning.  I'm not sure that actual football will be played during tonight's Manningfest. However, it is sponsored by Sony, DirecTV, Gatorade, Reebok, Oreo, the city of New Orleans, Archie Manning, the other Manning brother.....I'll be tuning into Mad Men, thank you very much.  Pick:  Manning puts together a late drive for a great comeback while the other Manning wears the infamous "Manning Face" the entire way and NBC cuts to it about 25 times including in the car riding home after the game.  NY wins 28-24.

New Orleans @ San Francisco (+6)

The Saints have had extra time to prepare for this game while the Niners have been licking their wounds.  Everything points to New Orleans here.....except two tiny little details.  Outdoors.  Grass surface.  Just two seasons ago, this same high-flying Saints offense went 1-5 on grass.  I'd like to think that playing without Darren Sharper and playing a road game outdoors on grass should level the playing field.  Pick:  49ers come through on the strength on their defense and a great running attack, 24-23.

Last Week's Record - 10-3-2
Overall Record - 10-3-2